Everything Counts in LARGE Amounts

OK, I may be the Mad Couponer, but seriously, people, can I catch a BREAK?

The Bigun is going to D.C. for a conference. This is a great experience we wanted her to get to have when we learned she was invited. She missed the 8th grade trip to D.C. due to 9/11, and so when this came up we were determined to make it happen...

For $1400! Oh, and that doesn't include airfare, $300. Or shuttle fare, $40. Or LUNCH. For Pete's sake, can they not spring for an $8 LUNCH after I shelled out a couple GRAND?

And did I mention that the child needs actual CLOTHES to go to the capital? They have days for "professional dress" and I had to sweetly explain that no, Darling, that does not mean a CLEAN hoodie. The Department of Defense is not likely to let you in the door, Dear, no matter how lovely you smile at them, in swishy pants and Skechers. I have a couple of weeks to go bargain-basement, winter-clothes-clearance shopping with her, and I tell you, I'd rather go to our OLD dentist and have teeth pulled than shop with the darling.

See, today, the Bigun also had a dental visit - we changed dentists because the old one was a quack and cost us A LOT to fix his mucking about in her mouth. So we start over with cute little Dr. Ho (I am not making this up) and the verdict is $300 for crowns and fillings. To fix, I reiterate, what the doofus dentist did.

And did you know? I cut back my hours at work to the bare minimum because I couldn't stand being there more than I had to. I can't quit quite yet, since I'm committed to a few things there between now and summer, but I'm making chump change. And DH? Just got told he has to take a week's vacation and also a week's furlough. They'll cover the furlough week with an advance bonus or something, so we won't hurt for cash, but there won't be a lot extra.

Where am I going to get the cash to DO this stuff?

Well, if you see someone dashing through the grocery store at top speed, clutching a binder full of coupons in one hand and a wad of cash in the other, stop me, call my husband, and send me home. Remind me that I could stand to fast a few weeks until I am caught up. Or until I'm really skinny and hot. Oooh, wait; that'll take a while. So just put a SlimFast in my hand and call for backup.

Hooked!

Everyone is talking about it. I hear ads for it on the radio ad nauseum. I can't go anywhere without hearing SOMETHING about it. What is it?

24.

You: Whaaaaat? You mean you haven't seen that? EVERYONE watches that!

Me: Shut. Up.

I missed the first show ever, though I intended to watch it. So, I figured, I'd play catch-up later. But Trump and life got in the way, and also Medium. All right, already, I forgot!

Did I remember when season 2 came out that I could watch season 1 on DVD and catch up? Um, no.

Season 3? Uh uh.

So here's season 5 and where am I? I just saw Teri end up dead in the season 1 finale. We made frantic trips to Blockbuster and rented the season a week at a time and stayed up until all hours desperate to find out what Jack got himself into. Luckily we hadn't paid attention to the buzz ever, so it was a brand new experience for us, with the only given being that Jack Does Not Die in Season 1.

Cool.

I'm blown away. I'm still thinking about that season finale DAYS after watching. I'm FRANTIC to crack open the plastic wrap of the season 2 DVD we got for Christmas. I want to go drag my husband in front of the television, chain him there, and demand he watch with me, because damned if I ain't too skeered to watch it alone. I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

And television is Not That Good anymore elsewhere. At least not to me. Sure, people are out there Tivo-ing Alias and Lost and American Idol and all that, but, and no offense here, that stuff is compost next to 24.

Here's a show done in the old tradition of weekly movie serials, a wonderful movie experience that was discontinued well before my time. But you've heard of them; the shows where you went EVERY SATURDAY to the one theatre in town where you SAW the hero go off the cliff in that wagon and then waited one hundred and sixty-eight eternal hours until you could get back in there and learn that actually he managed to jump off the wagon a mere moment before it went over. Whew. That was close!

Heart-stopping drama. What a cliche, but actually true. Jack's searching for a spy in the agency, and then riding along on a nightmare rollercoaster as his family is imperiled. Then he's got everyone safe, and rushes back to try to salvage his position at the agency, but no! The family is endangered again! And they won't tell him! For several episodes! And the spy is dead but critical information is still leaking!

And the concept is what fascinates me. A Day In The Life. A really crappy, awful, tense, stressful, petrifying day. Shot in real time. Am I the only one who appreciates how difficult that must be to plot, produce, shoot, and edit? No? Okay.

Call me giddy, call me a Johnny-Come-Lately, but I am addicted!

P.S. And did anyone mention that not once did I mention how Kiefer Sutherland looks?

P.P.S. Don't you DARE put spoilers in my comments!

Swimming Upstream

All my life I had to be the one who went the different way. OK, not ALL my life. I distinctly remember owning more Polo shirts than anyone else in my junior high. But I digress. I like to be different. I don't crush on movie stars or have a LIST or fall for musicians. I like to discover the undiscovered, like Steve Burns, for instance.

I think it stems from the knowledge that I'm too short, too solid (read: large) and too plain. Oh, I clean up good sometimes, but in essence I am this and that is what I am. So if Seventeen was never going to bang down my door to ask me to model, and Vogue would rather pass on my fashion sense and makeup tips, I would go another way.

I've been this way about men, too. The hot guys? Who needs 'em? I was afraid of rejection, because of course, it had happened once too often. So I learned to look at the guys the way I wanted them to see me; aside from all the outer trappings. Which brought me to B.

B was a guy I'd known forever but never had classes with. He was tall, blonde with large lips and acne and a side part his mother should have been ashamed of. He was also funny, and sweet and smart and an excellent trombone player, for a junior high kid. I liked him okay. In eighth grade he played football, and wore a cropped mesh jersey at practice one day. I saw those abs. Oh my gosh, at thirteen I was definitely awakened to possibilities.

Short story; we "went together," I fell for someone else "hotter" (read: a jerk) and lost B. And guess who was drum major and all around school hottie our senior year? Oh yes, it was B. Who's happily married at last report to a doctor and, well, you know...

B was just part of the pattern though. All the guys I liked were um,... undiscovered. Like S who was excessively smart and shy in weird ways; best friend in senior year and hasn't spoken to me since (his stock went up after being seen to be admired). Like BD, chunky awkward fifth-grade skate date who much later married my singles director. Like Just Joe, the late late bloomer who when I met him was, well, admittedly (even by him) a little geeky. Since I married him he has bloomed incredibly. All the girls who snubbed him in his past just left more for me. And when he goes home for reunions I bet they think that too now.

So what brought all this on? Drake and Josh.

Oh, stop that; pick yourself up off the floor and read on.

Drake got into a car wreck this month, so news was everywhere on the internet. I happen to like the show even when the LC isn't watching it, so I was googling Drake and found his site. An album, a message board, tours; the dude's stock is so high right now. And he's all of nineteen, I think. I peeked into the message board and into the minds of a hundred fourteen-year-old girls typing away on their little computers in their bedrooms way past their bedtime.

Oh, I am so glad they didn't have the internet when I was fourteen. But again, I digress.

Do you know what my first reaction was to reading this board? What, given the above-described history would I be BOUND to think?

Where's JOSH's page?

If there is one, I haven't found it. And I love that guy. He's the one I'D have been drooling over in high school. He's the one I would have sent the fan mail to. He's the one I would have dated in high school while all the girls chased Drake around. Do you know what it is? It's that damned Jerry O'Connell Syndrome. It's that fat strange kid who somehow turns out later to be the hottest thing going. I predict that for Josh Peck.

And I think I'll start development tomorrow on JoshPeckIsAHottie.com.

One Woman Show

I am an idiot.

Let me explain. We LOVE the school carnival. Who doesn't? But this year the chair refused to do it again. Who could blame her? It's a lot of work and not easy and you work with a hundred other people who all love carnival but hate to actually WORK at anything.

So in a moment of weakness, bolstered by the knowledge that I had run one of these things before, I volunteered. Because otherwise there would BE no carnival.

Oh. My. Stars.

Two people came to last night's meeting. T-W-O.

We have ten weeks to get ready. T-E-N.

There are no committee heads, no volunteers to solicit donations, no people collecting books for the sale, no people purchasing supplies, no people signing up to decorate or prepare food.

There's me. And a to-do list about eleventy miles long.

If this thing gets off the ground it will be totally God's work because me? I'm desperate.

Drenched

It was not a good morning.

The Little Critter turned up in our bed around 6:00 a.m. "Mom, can I lay here for five minutes?"

About 6:20 JJ emerges from the shower and attempts to move the LC. I'm thinking how nice and warm the bed is; how I don't want to get up; how it seems JJ has replaced said child with the very warm heating pad.

"Um,... honey? Um,... she wet the bed."

Instantly alert, I determine that , yes, she has also wet ME. Heating pad indeed. WHY would I think JJ has put the heating pad in bed with me?

(Okay, a moment to collectively say "EEEWWWWWWW.")

Hello, child, you had to PASS the BATHROOM to GET to my bedroom.

Quick shower, followed by discovery that, of course, the dogs had to have chewed up every last bread wrapper from the trash that didn't get set out. And the dishes the Bigun was supposed to have washed are still soaking themselves in the sink or languishing on the counter. And the game system is still strewn about the den floor. And all the musical instruments the Bigun owns are in the entryway TO THE FRONT DOOR. STILL.

Did it have to be a holiday today?

Good things that did happen eventually:
* I got the script written and e-mailed out and I think it's good
* I couponed my way through free butter noodles and cream gravy and 4¢ energy bars
* Black & Decker CS said they would replace the NEVER-HAS-WORKED blender I JUST BOUGHT if Linens-n-Things won't
* The lost dog we found was claimed today
* The meatloaf was incredible - best I've ever made

So it wasn't all bad. But I can't even say I wish I had stayed in bed. I mean, EWWWWWW!

If I was a Rich Girl...

...I would still probably shop this way.

Here’s what I got at CVS today:
8 bottles ALL laundry detergent
2 Comet cleanser
6 dish scrubbie thingies
13 rolls Christmas wrap
2 pkgs wrap tissue – 20 pcs each
2 Skippy peanut butters
1 Vaseline lotion
1 Dove shampoo
2 Dove deodorants
1 pk Dove face cleaner cloths
1 Finesse shampoo and 1 conditioner
2 Thermasilk shampoos
1 Caress body wash
1 Lever 2000 bodywash
4 pkgs Christmas bows
7 Bonne Bell lip gloss and chapsticks
Retail - $150.86 + tax =$163.31
CVS ECBucks used - $25.00
Grand total out of pocket spent – $22.32
Rebate expected - $17.50
Effective price - $4.82 for everything
% savings w/o rebate - 86%
% savings with rebate - 97%

Who rocks? Fish do.

Pier Pressure

Thank you, Trace and Pez, for making me create a blog. I shall struggle to say things read-worthy. I shall endeavor to post amusing entries. I shall strive to be as grammatically correct as possible, because, I see, there are things up with which you shall not put!

In other news, we have new neighbors! The dogs noticed first, as they announced to me "Look! Roofers! We wish to devour them! Or maybe just snack on their pant cuffs! Please, may we?" So I've let them in and out all day to amuse themselves threatening the poor men working next door. I am betting the big one goes hoarse tomorrow. Then when the Little Critter came home, she marched over there, abandoning Link and Zelda to their own devices, and promptly introduced herself. And dragged me over.

So Christine, a teacher, will be my new neighbor. I was a one-woman Welcome Wagon today, and I think it set her mind at ease. Or made her wonder why she ever closed on this house next to the crazy Fish lady. Stuart came out from across the street and said hi too, so at least they will know some people.

Meanwhile, the Bigun is taking us to the Army Reserve recruiter tonight, to discuss her future. I'm taking it really well, except when I'm not. She's so like me; a great starter and a horrid finisher. Perhaps this will encourage her to learn how to finish things. Me, I wish I could learn to finish things. I mean, you know, one time...